In the previous post, we had posted our birthing plan. We were open to pharmaceutical interventions, only if medically required. We had crafted a plan, after careful research, that we thought struck a balance between totally natural methods and totally chemical intervention based methods.
For example, after very careful research, it was clear to us that vitamin K, which is injected in newborns to prevent hemorrhage, is not really necessary. The likelihood of a hemorrhage is about 1 in 500000, while the risk of childhood cancers from the vitamin K injections was atleast 10%. We made the decision to waive this procedure.
Similarily, Erythromycin, the eye ointment for newborns, is administered to prevent infant blindness. This results from microbes in the mother’s birth canal. Since Mom had tested negative for Strep B, and had no previous history of STDs, it was clear to us that we would like to waive this one too.
As long as we manage a natural birth, we thought avoiding these procedures, would ensure that we would have an almost no chemical exposure to DS with none of these toxins(?), used routinely during birthing protocols.
Now, here is what life willed for us.
Things went according to plan until the transition of pregnancy from Stage one to Stage two. Mom and I, had our own doubts on our ability to breathe together through contractions, but, we did it beautifully together. We were about an hour or two away from the birth of our DS, when Mom was beginning to run of steam. She was totally exhausted from the effort so far, as the night progressed, keeping herself awake was also beginning to be difficult. The contractions would wake her out of her sleep.
Never in our wildest imaginations, would either of us have imagined ourselves asking for a C section intervention! But we did …..
And when the ideal that we aspired for was shattered, it was very hard to embrace the outcome with open heart. It was easy for me to blame/judge Mom for giving up so easily and in that process, opening ourselves to a world of possibilities we wanted to so much avoid. But when we become self centered, we lose the ability to empathize with others. With this lack of empathy and severe negative judgement, there was this raging anger/disappointment about Mom.
Thankfully, with mindful awareness of this feeling and the associated thoughts, I was slowly able to develop the empathy required to neutralize this anger/disappointment. I had totally neglected to see how much Mom wanted this too and how she had labored for more than 12 hours, while I was already panting giving her breathing support for about 3 hours. I could feel how much she would be beating herself up for having given up on natural birthing and also, she would already be feeling terrible to talk to me about any of this.
There was this roller coaster ride of rage and empathy/compassion and finally after struggling for a long time, I could come to terms with the C-section delivery. Also, I could be by the side of Mom, truly hailing her for the incredible toughness she showed and help her deal with her own conflicted emotions.
A concoction of 20 different chemicals were introduced into the bloodstream of mom and DS upon delivery. DS had vomitted meconium, indicating stress to the baby. This has been our birthing experience. Embracing it totally was the lesson to learn, and hopefully, we have learnt it.
We would not know until the next such incident happens….
Mom promises to update her emotions about/during this incident, sometime soon.